@ Soweto Theatre

Thandiswa Mazwai’s performance and later won an award.

Check this link for more:
http://www.mbokodoawards.co.za/

by Tapuwa Moore
Edited by Fikile Mazambani

Tsohang tu yerr man!

Personally I do not advocate for my freedom, I only have an urgent need for human rights based society. Maybe being a marginalized person; a lesbian, a black woman and a mother, has taught me to be a survivor.  I have been raped and survived it.  It has taught me that we must all move on and transform. In order for one to have that 360° change, a paradigm shift has to happen to society en masse. Thus, a new ethos of the amicable freedoms we deserve will step forth and present itself.

Close attention has to be paid to the language used at the higher echelons of human rights institutions.
What language is being used?
Language articulates cultural systems and is a window to the psychology of how society thinks and acts. Whether that mindset is of committing violent crimes or that of systemic injustices which keep us at the helm of non-equality, we find that there is institutional language that protects these acts somehow.

I have seen many lesbians passionately picket issues around advocacy for LBGTI rights and they become momentary pop stars. I have protested too and I became despondent with protesting. I remember in my youth after Grade 12, I was in need of education and no one stepped up to help attain it.  The boys on the other hand moved on to higher education. It informed me that it was a privilege to be a man I surmised.  I had to stay at home and look after my siblings and grandfather. The cultural institution that I found myself in did not articulate education for girl children. Thankfully, in this day and age, all that has taken a turn for the better as every child now has a right to education, regardless of gender.

I took it upon myself to get a university education.  I worked hard to make it to the University of the Witwatersrand (Wits).
I enrolled as an International Relations major but politics and geography did not peak my interest and the following year I switched my major to drama.  Sadly I did not get any support from those nearest and dearest – my family.   My grandfather opposed my leaving for Wits and vowed never to support me.  He died with no knowing of what I had attained. In his view I was breaking culture, whereby a boy is always the heir no matter the ranking.
He said something to the tune of I wanted to be better than my brother.
Truth be told, I was only trying to better my own life and not competing with my brother.  My brother chose a different route and settled for not attending university. He has his career.

I was the first person from our lineage to attend university.  Even though I had already had a child, I was determined to make it all the way.  I had full knowledge of who I wanted to be and I did not like to be boxed.  While away on campus I began playing soccer, something I wasn’t allowed to do at home because of the dangers that came with it.  When I was a teen I wanted to play but the impeding danger of being raped caused me not to play.   I started playing at home, away from campus, as well and they even got soccer cleats for me because I enjoyed it that much.  My mum would even get worried if I was not playing!

In economics you learn that everything works in cycles. Nothing stays the same. Economies change, governments change and we can look at our own history to see just how twenty years ago were not featured in the world and now we are right at the top. Just like anything, trends come and go. South Africa right now is the trendy shiny toy and all the vultures zone in and get their agendas in motion, NGO’s being one of those vultures.
Are you a fad or a trend?
If not, then why allow yourself to be used in this manner? 
What am I talking about and why am I outraged?
I am outraged at all of you who picket and shout the loudest for a free t-shirt or beer.
What do you get in turn?
Do you get some sort of life insurance from these agencies?

You see I was raped. I tell you this not to shock you, but to say take your power back.
Why are you dwelling in a state of victimhood? 
Black lesbians being raped and murdered is a very real crisis, one that should never be minimized but also one that should not be used as political dice. I am saying you are being placed in a subtle box of constant strife.  I commend NGO’s for bringing social injustices to the forefront but I am saying how about empowering the people?

My challenge to you and the concerned NGO’s is to empower the black LGBTI community with real solutions.  Free beers, t-shirts and KFC are fleeting things, dangled in front of you to distract you from the real issues.
After you finish picketing do you feel accomplished?
Are you more educated, your future more secure and your neighbourhood much safer? 
I am all for freebies but I am also for education. Education changes communities.  Education helps end hunger and brings down crime. Education exposes you to endless possibilities.  The greatest outrage right now is to help blacks get out of poverty.

On top of polluting your body with these unhealthy foods, have you wondered why you have never been invited to come and get help writing your Curriculum Vitae (CV) to earn employment, how to start a small business etc?
Would you put on your CV that “I have protested and toyitoye-d for 10years with so and so organisation”? 
That is just time well wasted – for who is up for debate.  When you are done you are still a statistic.

You will still be a victim of a non-equal society you are protesting. What I am saying is learn to see beyond the agenda. You are protesting your right to able to walk hand in hand you’re your partner down the road, but have you protested the lack of education, shelter, food, amenities, health – all which are basic human rights.  Protest for your right to walk around with your girlfriend or partner without prejudice or being subjected to homophobic attacks but also have you basic human rights covered. After the protest what are you going to eat, will you drink brown and tea and bread or you are going to have a healthy filling breakfast?

Remember that most black lesbians emulate cultural systems that are in place that, for example, if you wear expensive apparel it shows how wealthy one is. What flawed thinking this is.
Material things have a shelf life.
Are we investing in education that has no expiry date?
Education is in many different forms, one just has to choose what works best for them – formal or vocational training. Some people work better sitting at a desk and others work better using their hands. One can be an engineer, artisan, nurse, educator, pilot, the sky is the limit.  That is the legacy that we should be investing in, and one that will eventually afford you the creature comforts that you yearn.  All is inauthentic living.

I am sad because we would rather be known as the best partiers and champion sex machines but are too lazy to attain and create a legacy for ourselves.
Who are we without a legacy?
We are extinct. Some say they are too butch to work and others say they are too femme to spend time on a diploma or degree. Some drop out of high school with no prospects for the future. It is never too late.  We need more Sipho Mabuse’s of this world, who go back to high school to finish their Grade 12.

There is already a stereotype out there about us that we are alcoholics and promote debauchery, as per one heterosexual man I once listened to on radio.  He vociferously took a stance and his perception on black lesbians. I wanted to call in and challenge his assumptions around what he deemed a morally sound heteronormative system whereby he assumed that everyone anything besides that norm will not do. I also wanted to defend my fellow compatriots.
Is there truth to stereotypes?

I wanted to ask him if he knew of Simon Nkoli and Phumi Mtetwa, amongst others, who were at the forefront of changing the ANC stance around human rights focusing on LGBTI issues. I wished I could pull up literal works that supported my stance and I just wanted to come out guns blazing and school his ignorant mind. Obviously I could not. I personally work hard and I give back using my talents, to the community at large.  I had a performance where I managed to collect tampons that were distributed to girl children irrespective of their sexuality or sexual preference.  It was just a response to a need.  I say that to say, I am an educated self-respecting, philanthropic citizen of the world. I am none of those ill labels that the hetero world slaps on us collectively.
Some of you sure give them the ammunition.

Freebies are euphoric – albeit momentarily – but let’s be real, they will not contrite towards buying you a house in the suburbs neither will keep you safe from the township monsters who are prowling our streets and taverns who are waiting to pounce then someone becomes a statistic.  After you help an NGO fly their flag high, you get that taxi and face the same homophobic people and institutions that get away with blue murder! They never get caught because they are part of the system that says we are good for nothing except sex and alcohol.

Perpetual ignorance in our society is kept going by the assumptions and stereotypes heaped on homosexual individuals. There are lesbians out there who chose to be vocal social champions but also emancipating themselves from mental slavery.
Dulcy Stapler Rakumakoe was a protester who also stayed in school until she earned her right to practice as a medical doctor.  There are many who have chosen freedom by attaining an education. They are safe in their homes tucked away in the suburbs, they drive themselves around and they feel secure.  That is true freedom.
Do you not want that kind of freedom?
For every freedom there are sacrifices. You can choose to party until the cows come home, or you can study.  We should strive to be better than our parents. We should look at working at better jobs and not a supermarket cashier as a career. I am not trying to look down on those that do these jobs, I respect hard working women. I am just saying, let us have a burning desire to reach the glass ceiling and break it while at it.  Parents are old and out of options on how to feed grown women who come home empty handed besides a few t-shirts.

There is nothing holding a black lesbian from becoming who they want to be in this country. We may live amongst hateful and hurtful people but we are not victims. Come on black lesbians if we can party as hard as heterosexual people, we can study like them too; be part of the economy, and pay tax like normal people. Education is not for the selected few, it is your constitutional right as well as a basic human right.  There are many sources of financial help that you may access including bursary schemes, government student loans (NSFAS) to name some.

FET colleges do not charge any tuition fees, they are FREE. All you need to do is to fill in your application form and if you cannot, you can always ask someone to help you. It is as good as it sounds!!

If you can find time to be on social media all the time then you can make time to fill in the form and secure your future.  You may google and submit their online application or you may do it physically. You need to pay an admin fee when submitting your application and that will be all the money you will spend.  If you can dress in expensive attire, then you can afford admin fees.

Everything comes with time. Time to party will come. When you are educated, you protest with a cause. You learn to read between the lines and place yourself strategically. With time you will be able to align yourself with those same NGOs with whom you share a common cause, only this time you will be paid to do what you believe in. You will be driving to work, living in the suburbs, with a medical aid and afford to vacation.

Vuka emacandeni tsoha itsose no one will wake you up if you don’t.  Change yourself and watch a paradigm shift of your mind happen.

About the author

Birth Identity Seipone More

Tapuwa Moore, a performing artist, creative writer, playwright, director and prose performer began her career by performing Heineken in Melrose Arch in 2003. She published a poem called coca cola with Behind the Mask (a defunct LGBTI online magazine) in 2006.
She has been a performing resident at the Wits Writing Center for many years.
Her life with The Writing Center includes many events such as the Jozi Spoken word, the E’skia Mphahlele colloquium, and the Wits Arts Literature Experience (WALE).
Tapuwa has graced the stage with renowned poets Mak Manaka and Natalia “The Shelter” Molebatsi for Media Park tours in Soweto commemorating June 1976 in 2006.

Her performances have always been about resistance, and articulating the struggles of black women and injustices faced by being black as well as lesbian.
Her movement has been encapsulated in human rights advocacy organizations, such as the New Life Center an advocacy organization that worked to rehabilitate sex workers and advocated on issues of HIV prevention in the inner city.
New Life Center provided shelters for abused women, children and sex workers and performed in their events in 2007-2008.
She has further pursued her activism as a performer on stage collaborating with FEW, including the Soweto Pride.

She has coached both men and women’s soccer teams.
However the significant coaching moments were spent as a head coach of the Chosen FEW lesbian soccer team in 2009.
At FEW, she learned of the advocacy rhetoric and human rights violations faced by many black lesbian women.
She later become a member of the 1 in 9 campaign and served in their Steering Committee as a deputy chairperson. However her need to pursue social change performances took precedence when she became part of The Vagina Monologues in 2010.
Her writing focused on changing attitudes against gender based violence, HIV, atrocities faced by black lesbian women and human rights abuses. She has been in solidarity with movements such as Gender Links and POWA, as a performing artist and activist.

She has performed pieces like “lesbian, what would I do with myself if I stopped drinking?” in order to address rape and patriarchal violence, featured in the Jozi Spoken word at Wits Theater in 2009 and the Wits substation in conjunction with the Writing Center. What would I do with myself has become her mantra as she performed it in various spaces, putting the highlight and advocating on rape, sex, sexuality and HIV. Some of her works like Before Funny Things Started were published by The Global Game in commemoration of the World Cup in 2010.

She directed The Vagina Monologues in conjunction with WALE in 2012 where she worked with Ntsiki Mazwai, a renowned poetess.
She is currently producing and directing The Vagina Monologues to be staged in various spaces in the inner city including Soweto.
She has also been featured in the Mail & Guardian book of South African Women 2013 as a playwright, director, performing artist and a rape survivor.

Yesterday as the world celebrated the International Women’s Day others took on the streets to either make a mark or demonstrated to claim their spaces.

This picture was taken on our way to Golden Gate bridge.
As we stood in the popular Castro Street, San Francisco a small group of individuals passed us as they demonstrated the “Stop The Nudity Ban!”

From more on this group, check:
www.MyNakedTruth.Tv

Photos by Valerie Thomas

Camera used: Canon 100D with 50mm lens at 1.8 f stop

This is part of our San Francisco visual diaries…
More albums to be posted sooner.

by Maureen Velile Majola

I was born in 1990 and am considered one of  “Mandela’s grandchildren” – a generation of children born at or after the fall of apartheid.  We are also known as the ‘born frees’.  The minute I hear these words I just thought, “thank God I’m not one of them!”  They have portrayed themselves as the ‘don’t care’ generation.  One would be amazed that I do not see myself in that light because well I am nowhere near being ‘born free’ as I have my own struggles that I am fighting against in this life time. Yes apartheid is over and I was not there to experience it but I know what it did to my grandparents. I know how my grandmother hated going to Natalspruit, a township in the east of Johannesburg.
I remember her telling me how she nearly killed one night when there were tribal wars between Zulus and Xhosas. The early ‘90s war was erupted between some members of African National Congress (ANC) and Inkatha Freedom Party (IFP) in Johannesburg townships.

Gogo told me that a group of strange men stopped their taxi which headed to Johannesburg from eMsinga, KwaZulu Natal. She had traveled to bury her mother. The man and boys burnt their taxi and burnt 10 people who were in the taxi. My grandmother was amongst the 5 people who survived. This is a tale she told with tears running down her cheeks.

We recently embarked on a journey to find out what queer born frees think of the upcoming elections.

We spoke to Sisipho Samente (22) year old butch lesbian from Alexandra Township.  She said that she wanted to vote but each time she looked at the education system she wondered why she should vote. She continued on saying “how can our pass mark be 30% over 100%?”.
This is a disgrace and I’m disappointed that the ruling party thinks this is some kind of achievement.  With these low marks, we struggle with getting into university because 30% is nowhere close to what the university entrance requires.”

I then spoke to Smanga Shange (22) who is also from Alexandra Township. She said “I don’t want to vote but then again the ruling party might just win by default. I don’t want anything to do with politics but I’m going to exercise my right to vote as a first time voter. I live in Alexandra and I don’t see a point of voting as Alex has remained the same over the years. Nothing seems to change but our parents voted 20 years ago and even today they are going to vote.”

alex today…

Theo Madileng (20) said “Freedom to me means being fearless and feel free to do whatever I put my mind to. It also means I am able to speak my mind as a young black person. Freedom also means being one with white people and having no racial segregation or what so ever. This also mean I can be proud of who I am and speak my language anywhere in the country without any fear” Theo went on to say “I am not going to vote because there’s a lot of corruption going around and they are all full of lies and empty promises”

Madileng has not registered to vote and she’s not bothered by who is going to win or not.

Speaking to these young people made me think of that taxi ride to Johannesburg that almost took my grandmothers life. Thinking of this gave me the determination to go out and cast that vote and let all the parties have a fair shake.

I just told myself that this year’s vote is for my grandparents who wouldn’t have understood a thing if I told them I wasn’t going to vote.

Previous by Maureen

2014 May 3:  Inkanyiso crew is a family

and

2014 April 5:  “We are being killed for nothing”

and

2013 Nov. 10:  I can never forget

iAfrica, Pledge Africa Liberation Day, iAfrica, Mayibuye

To take the pledge, please click on:
www.mayibuyepledge.org

On this African liberation day, we, the undersigned, note with grave concern the continent-wide deepening crisis including, growing militarism, the crisis in democracy, an expanding neoliberal economic order, deepening patriarchy, homophobia, transphobia and heterosexism, amongst others.

We especially note the worsening social and economic conditions of those who have been dispossessed of dignity and autonomy over their lives, bodies, lands and natural resources, and denied rights to access shelter, food, water, education & healthcare.

We call the attention of all freedom loving people across the Continent and around the globe, to the pervasive and debilitating violence faced by those who are pushed to the margins because of divisive and unjust laws and policies, and poor practices by our own governments, who do not respond to their people but to financial interests. We condemn and resist attempts to homogenise Africa‘s multiple legacies into legalised hatred and discrimination.

We rise up and come together as Africans globally, working for a continent where self-determination, as well as physical, emotional, social and economic wellbeing are guaranteed to all. We come together to condemn and resist all forms of violence and militarism, including inter-community and state sponsored violence such as is currently rife in the Central African Republic and Kenya; systemic violence against Africans based on their actual or assumed sexual orientation and gender identity, as in Nigeria and Uganda; and endemic violence against women, girls and gender non-conforming persons, as witnessed in the abductions of girls and lack of adequate response in Nigeria.

We remind ourselves of the critical contributions that Africans have made across history in defining and defending principles of justice, solidarity, liberation and diversity. We salute all Africans who speak and have spoken in defence of these principles.

We stand for a return to Africa in every respect:
• Re-imagining our lives outside neo-colonial power.

• Breaking free from the structures, systems and individuals who disappear our history and traditions of democratic principles and respect for humanity, and who erase our cultures of agency, resistance, creativity and people power.

• Reclaiming and upholding the rich legacies and cultural norms of collectivity, freedom, self-determination and ubuntu.

• Taking individual and collective responsibility to fight globally and locally against the impoverishment and dispossession of the majority of African people.

• Fighting for an end to violence and militarisation that destroys and harms us all.

• Fighting for an end to the greed and oppressive power responsible for the destruction of our lands and the Earth.

We recognise, affirm and insist that Africa needs:
• Economic and environmental justice to claim and redistribute power, to redistribute land and put our vast resources to the benefit of our people and the healing of mother Earth.

• To eradicate militarism and all forms of violence, including the violence of oppressive laws and of poverty.

• Racial and ethnic justice.

• The transformation of the politics of sex, sexuality and gender, the rightful access to affirming and responsive institutions and services, and the restoration of spaces free of fundamentalisms in order to practice our religions and participate in our cultures.

Africa needs Africans who are imagining and building a future of freedom. We believe that Africans, in our multiplicity, have the potential to transform the world.

We, the undersigned, recommit ourselves to working actively for the Africa we want.

Contact Persons:
Dawn Cavanagh
Pouline Kimani
Phumzile Mtetwa
Contact Address: mayibuye.pledge@gmail.com

Text by Lerato Dumse
Photos by Kamo Petlele
The joint funeral of lesbian activist Manku Maduwane (52) and her niece Monica Maduwane (36) was held at the Kwa-Thema Civic Hall on September 7.

The two women passed away on September 3, Manku after battling cervical cancer and Monica fell ill and died suddenly after hearing of her aunt’s passing.

Manku’s passing raises the issue of lesbian women and pap smears, which seem to be unpopular.

Thuli Tshili who was in a relationship with Manku described her as kind and a people’s person but strict.

Despite strict and protective nature, Thuli says Manku had a soft spot for her.

Thuli said that Manku saw LGBTI youth as not carrying the baton in the LGBTI struggle.

She adds that her family and friends as well as Manku’s friends have all been a source of strength and support.

After the service at the hall, mourners then moved to Vlakfontein cemetery for the women to be layed in their final resting place, next to each other.

In her facebook post Phumi Mtetwa said coming out in the 80s, “it was warm and beautiful to be supported by people like Manku and MaThoko.
Manku was the most visible leader of the 80s lesbian and gay struggle in the East Rand. She stood firm, bold and courageous. She offered refuge to so many coming out people, who had been chased away from their homes.”

While speaking after the funeral, Xolile Dzanibe said in their 33 year long friendship Manku was frank and assisted many in their coming out.

One niece wrote in her funeral message that she never felt the gap of never having a father in her life as Manku provided for her adequately.

Manku’s friend Paddy Nhlapo was one of the pallbearers.

Nombango Mampondo lay the wreath of flowers on her friend’s grave.

About the photographer

Kamo Petlele (16) is a Grade 10 learner at Aurora Girls High School in Soweto. She is currently involve in 2014 PhotoXP visual project where young female photographers are learning and documenting their communities.
This funeral form part of the field trips where each participant is required to work with a journalist tackling real newsworthy stories.

Previous by Lerato

2014 Aug. 23: Relatives and friends shed the tears at Gift’s funeral and some fainted

Text by Christie van Zyl
Photos by Lindeka Qampi and Zanele Muholi

An inspiring message of Social co-hesion and responsibility was set at the launch of the ZAZI – Know your strength campaign. The event took place at the University of Johannesburg on the 14th of August 2014. It was attended by approximately 500 people.. There was a morning and afternoon program, where some parts of the event involved youth dialogue spearheaded by a panel of six members of civil society, government and students.

  Deputy Minister of Social Development,Henrietta Bogopane-Zulu who spearheaded the Zazi launch…

Zazi is intended for the creation of a conducive environment for the honing of young women’s inner strength, to be able to stand up against a term coined as the 4 M’s – Macho Mobile Men with Money; as well any form of abuse intended for them due to circumstantial adversities.

The most important emphasis was placed on curbing the spread of HIV/AIDS across the plain, including the safety of young boys & men who are target to older women. During the afternoon event several speeches took place emphasising the importance of tackling poverty in South Africa. This was spoken to be the greatest influence on young people giving in to ‘sugar daddies and spicy mommies’. Amongst attendees that gave speeches, was present Dr Ramneek Ahluwali, Director of HEAIDS (Higher Education and Training HIV/AIDS), as the voice of the students was present Ms Nikiwe Mboweni, president of the Student Representative Council.

The Minister sharing a joke with Steve Letsike…
_____________________

Further attendance included Professor Ihron Lester Rensburg – Vice-Chancellor of the University of Johannesburg, Mr Nick Balkrishen – South African College of Principals Organization(SACPO), Steve Letsike – Deputy Chairperson of the South National AIDS Council (SANAC); as well as a Ms Hannalee as representative of the Honourable Deputy Minister of Higher Education & Training, Mr Mduduzi Manana. Speeches were centred around the ‘toxic mix in our midst of poverty and patriarchy as the driver of extra-ordinary challenges causing this extra-ordinary outbreak of disease’ – Professor Rensburg.

Several performances also took place by the likes of Lebo Mashile who recited poetry speaking about the responsibility of society shaping young boys into responsible men; as well the gracefulness if woman and her need for evolution to self love.‘Breath in protection, exhale love’ are the words she ended her performance with.

Our beloved poet and writer Lebo Mashile who recited her poetics… ___________________________

The Zazi video was also aired, which is a song that is performed by South African artist Zonke where the song speaks about knowing yourself in terms of your sexual health; the tying of the ribbon symbolizing bringing a helping hand to social ills & taking responsibility to lead with all of our strength and power. The Zazi video boasts green ribbons which are said to be symbolic of ‘new beginnings and protection'; this was established in a nation wide forum of workshops where young women were approached about the colour they would like to represent the Zazi campaign. The video was wrapped up by young poet, Nova Masango who spoke words of encouragement to young women to know their worth.

The last of the performances came from the UJ Soweto campus Arts & Culture drama group which outlined scenarios of how young woman get raped by their school teachers for marks and how AIDS spreads through vulnerable youngsters at tertiary level who are engaging in irresponsible as well as inter-generational relationships. Honourable Deputy minister of Department of Social Development Ms Henrietta Ipeleng Bogopane- Zulu, gave a touching speech on ten life lessons of trying to be a perfect human in the light of striving to be our best. She closed off the speeches with a beautiful ceremony, gathering young men and woman to tie ribbons to each others’ wrists to make a commitment to bettering the future of young people through giving them platforms to know themselves and their inner strength to avoid sexual health problems, as well as rapes and the spread of HIV/AIDS. Deputy Minister Zulu also gave thanks to JHHESA team – John Hopkins Health and Education South Africa for the sustainability of the Zazi campaign.

Khanyisa Dutywa of the SANAC Women’s Sector took the podium in closing and started her thank you’s with a powerful ‘WOMANDLA’, saying ‘my sister’s keeper , tshela mina ngale z’khiphani’ (tell me what’s happening on the other side). She went on to question where the women’s sector is on campus and then stated that we should unite and claim the youth of 1976 to fight gender inequality within the context of this launch happening in Soweto. It was a beautiful and heartfelt launch. All the speakers and Minister Zulu said all the right things that we young people need to hear.

I cannot help but wonder though when all this information would get to young people in the rural and township areas. How do we go about distributing this information to the rural areas of South Africa. It is all nice and well to have attendees of a high caliber and students of UJ attending the launch, but what of the young women in rural and township schools that are also experiencing the same things and are about to enter university; or even the real world of work because of circumstance. Many a young woman gets targeted by their boss so that they keep their jobs seeing as they are coming right out of matric. Can we have a conversation about having this Zazi launch in a rural area in a native language that the very people that need it will understand. Speakers spoke of the first generation graduates that suffer mostly from these inter- generational relationships that end up being cases if abuse because of poverty. They are aware that these young people are coming from the rural parts of South Africa, so what is their plan if action to reach those areas.

There is a need for this intervention of which I never heard being addressed at the launch of the Zazi – Know Yourself campaign.

Previous by Christie 2014 July 4: Craddock Chronicles

by Sicka Star-ban

My Faces and Phases journey started in the year 2013 when I met author and visual activist, Zanele Muholi.
I, Nonkululeko Sharon Mthunzi known as Sicka Star-ban, remember her reaction when she first saw my cousin Nontuthuzelo Mduba and I.   Her exact words were “I don’t work with people under the age of 18 years”, we laughed and told her our ages.

The 2013 Mr Daveyton winners. From Left – Right: Nontuthuzelo Mduba, Lebo Magaela and Nonkululeko Sharon Mthunzi.

A lot was going on that year. It was our first time entering Mr Lesbian Daveyton and my cousin Ntuthu walked away with the title of First Prince and I with the title Mr Personality. It was also the year I started my music career, and not forgetting that it was the beginning of my Faces and Phases journey. My first photo shoot was the day after the pageant at my home in Daveyton right along with Nontuthuzelo Mduba, Lebogang Magaela who was Mr Lesbian Daveyton 2013 and we were in our formal wear. At first I was nervous because I was not used to huge cameras but I soon relaxed.

Muholi told me to relax and so I did and soon got used to it. From thereon, we took amazing portraits. In the Faces and Phases book, two of my pictures are featured, one which was taken on the day of my first shoot with Muholi and the other which was taken at my home in my bedroom while in my traditional/ancestral clothes. In my hand I carried ishoba lamadlozi. I love how my two portraits contradict each other to the viewer but I am a traditional healer as well as a musician/composer. I straddle two worlds that most people deem highly impossible to mix. They say however that I am the living proof that now can be steeped in their traditions and culture but at the same living and creating in the 21^st century, a testament that both elements can exist.

I have many goals, hopes and dreams – some which I have attained – but I never pictured myself in a book. To me this is extraordinarily beyond what I had set out to achieve in 2014.
2014 is my year because I was crowned Mr Lesbian Daveyton 2014, I am featured in the Faces and Phases (2006 – 2014) book and my music career is taking gigantic leaps. I had the honor of composing the Faces and Phases song, which I performed at the successful book launch.

Previous links

2014 July 10: My remarkable Durban experience

“As I’m growing a year old older just want to thank her for the past 23 years I have and for being alive!”

To be a mother is not an easy task
Yet you do it proudly everyday no matter what is asked.
You have turned your baby into a beautiful young lady.
You were there for me since the very beginning and saved me countless tears.
The pushy and wise advise you gave will carry me through the years.
With my every mistake or wrongful deed,
you were always there to understand.
You put no limits on my dreams or anything else I wish to do.
You never forget to say you care or that you love me to.
The smile and tears upon your face when I achieve
provides me with more value in my heart then you’d ever believe.
There is no other person that will shape my heart the way you’ve done
your job finished perfectly for your precious daughters and son.
We have had a rocky road through triumph and catastrophe,
hard times and despair
but not a single moment of time of not having a wonderful mother there.
You have always put in your last with love
and my whole life is not enough time for me to repay you.
We always put our disagreements to the side and manage to make it through.
I know that my teen years have driven you crazy
but you have guided me with assurance along the way.
You have given me comfort and certainty with every breath I take within the day.
Your little girl is growing up but your baby girl will always remain deep inside me.
There are no enough words that can thank you for everything
you have helped me emotionally and physically.
I have my whole future ahead of me and you are the woman that has led me
and guided me towards the proper path.”
About the author

Anele ‘Anza’ Khaba, KwaThema Community Hall, Springs, Johannesburg, 2011

Anele Anza Khaba is a bit quiet and shy but a friendly, loving and caring soul.

“I like to laugh as it is part of life. I was born May 30th 1992 as the first born in KwaThema, grew up mostly at my mom’s side. I went to Zamani Primary school then went to Phulong Senior Secondary School. I did not finish high school then decided to go to college. I did ICT for 4 years and got lucky by getting a learnership. I did the theory and my practical work at ABSA, the contract ended then I decided to join Bytes where I am currently working as a desktop support engineer for the bank.
I moved out from home in 2012 due to studying and work. Sometimes I enjoy it and at times I get lonely but movies and music keeps me going. I love going out with friends lately and traveling has becoming a new hobby.”

Related links

2015 Mar.3: A Letter to my Mother

and

2014 Oct. 15: A Letter to my Mom

by Shirley Ndaba (Hendricks)

There I was at the tender age of 10 years, nothing seemed abnormal about me. I loved playing with dolls, I would play children’s games with girlfriends and boyfriends. I never thought I was any different from all the girls. I played doll-dressing, premature mother and house, just like other little girls.

Until my first crush was on one of my girlfriends. I remember very well, her name was Masego. She was light in complexion, tomboy and always had this amazing “S-curl and cut” hair style, as we would call it, loxion taal. I remember blushing so much when I saw her. Most of my friends had crushes on my boyfriends but I crushed on my friend Masego and never thought I was different.

I never told her until now, and I left the neighbourhood. When I was 13 years old I had a huge crush on one of South African greatest lesbian soccer players (PM). I knew all these feelings were the exact feelings a girl would have for a guy. I still didn’t feel different or see anything wrong. I then had my first boyfriend at 14 (chuckles to self), nothing serious of course, but that was me being a normal girl; looking back, it was me conforming. At that time I wasn’t really sure if was lesbian or if there was a particular label. I remember the feeling of being in a heterosexual relationship lasted for about 2- 3 days if not a week, literally!

From then on the feeling would die out, I would hide from the guy. There was never really a guy that I liked. I would only date a guy mainly because most of my friends liked the guy and the exciting feeling of being in that relationship would die, then I would start acting like a lunatic, by hiding and running away from the guy just to avoid seeing him. It was always awkward. Then came high school, I had started grade 8, and there was a stud I liked in my neighbourhood, her name was Busi. I told my cousin about it as a secret, but somehow it got to her Busi).

She approached me when I was 15 years old. I remember how being with her made me feel. I would be sitting in class hoping for school to end so that I can go home and see her. I can’t exactly describe how it felt but it felt just right, just like home. I hid the relationship from my schoolmates who lived in my neighbourhood. The only thought on my mind was that people would think it’s abnormal, more especially at school, even though I knew how she made me feel. I couldn’t hide it forever as there was a time when my schoolmates told me that they saw me with her and that we looked cosy, and how lesbian/gay it looked. I would make excuses about Busi being my friend and always helping me with my homework. I even got myself a boyfriend at school just to cover my homosexuality.

There were family complications at home so I had to leave home to live in a children’s home. That’s when I found my first love, my first in everything, her name was Anthea. We were the same age, she was just more experienced than I was when it came to relationships. I didn’t even know how to actually kiss. She was bisexual not that I knew what the term meant. I would like to think I was still finding myself at that time. I loved her so much that she could literally tell me to jump and I would willingly do so without questionioning. I was so free with her, I allowed her to touch me in places I would never allow anyone else to touch.
She was the first person to make me feel how it truly felt to be touched and caressed by the one you love. To experience what happens when you are gently kissed by that one person you love so dearly. How your body responds to all the gentle touches, the wetness, the soft skin on your skin, the heavy breathing, the moaning and letting all of yourself go. She took my innocence in the most gentle and precious way.

Shirley 2013 picture

I loved it because I cared for her and loved her on an intimate level, to think I was only 16 years of age. We were together for a year and 6months. She had a boyfriend that she loved more than she loved me. I didn’t really care and all I knew was that I loved her and got to spend more time with her than he would. Just like all relationships, that relationship was the beginning of my journey to self discovery. We broke up, I couldn’t take it because I didn’t want to let go. I remember there was a girl called Linda, she found it weird that I was so in love with another girl. I would spend time sharing with her and describing the feelings I got when I’m with Anthea.

Little did I know that sister-girl would chase after my girl, she used everything I shared with her against me and got my girl. I couldn’t take it, I failed at school I couldn’t really concentrate. I would beg Anthea, at times I’d even kneel down, things that our young and naive hearts do for love. I can still say that it was love. I remember her asking me if I still loved her, I told her yes and that I couldn’t even describe how she made me feel and that I would do anything to keep her. She then told me right there and then that she didn’t love me anymore because her interests lied elsewhere.

I was devastated; it felt like my whole world had come crashing down. My depression started right there, reminding me of everything that was just not going right in my life I would literally cry every day. I couldn’t take it and that’s whe I took my first pile of pills. I remember closing myself in my room thinking I would drink that and be dead the next day. Nothing really happened, clearly I had a greater purpose in life. So I became more proud of being different I would say it out loud that I was lesbian, I even visited home and I came out to my aunt who was the next best thing to my mother.

When the holidays ended I went back to the children’s home. I remember tanie (house mother) calling me, Anthea and Linda to her office. She then told us that there had been complaints that there were lesbians at the home and that some girls wanted to leave the home because of it. She told us the board had our names and that they are still busy concluding on the matter. My aunt passed away that same year. Well that year is not one of my favourite. My aunt was the only mother I had since my mom passed away when I was only six years old. It was in September 2007.

I remember wanting to sink in that pile of sand along with her, she was my pillar of strength. As much as I hadn’t wanted to believe it, there she was being dragged into the ground and I would never get to see her again. I loved her and I don’t remember ever telling her, how much I loved her. I don’t remember crying at my biological mother’s funeral because I was still a child. I didn’t really know what was happening until later on. I knew the actual feeling when my aunt passed away, that was the last day and year I ever went home or visited my family, like I said there were complications at home so she was the only person besides my siblings at home that meant something to me, everyone else was just family because of the blood we shared.

Later that year we were told that we were being kicked out of the home for our lesbian ways. Linda was adopted so she was the first to leave. Anthea and I had to wait while they were still trying to find suitable homes for us. They then told us we were going to be moving as soon as the schools closed that year. We moved to Mould Empower Serve (MES) in Hillbrow. I failed that year so I had to repeat my grade 10, Devastated!!
Picking up the pieces and knit picking through it all like the granny I had surely become. When I got to MES we were given options to choose from. I was told that I for one would be turning 18 the following year and that I’d be repeating Grade 10, that I should consider dropping out of school and doing short courses.

Anthea decided to go live with her boyfriend’s family. I was left there alone, I then spoke to my Life Orientation teacher, Mrs Stacey about the options I was given to choose from. She told me that finishing school and passing matric was very important and that no matter how hard life was, I should hold on and make sure I finished school. I told the ladies at MES that I have decided to stay at school until I finished Matric. I was then told that since I had chosen school they would not be able cover my school expenses such as stationery, bus fair, school uniform etc. until I completed school. Things were different at MES, I attended a public clinic when I fell sick, long dreary lines and crowds of sick people and clinic cards and endless public service procedures that I was not used to. I had to walk everywhere compared to my old home, a lot of cars were available and took us everywhere, at anytime.

The old home cared for our wellbeing; the toiletries we received were great. I even shared a big room with only 2 girls and our wardrobes were huge. We didn’t have hectic house chores. I remember all we did during school holidays was eat, sleep, watch movies, listen to music, and go to the mall or trips. It was great there, while being at MES was a huge change. I had to learn to adjust because all good things come to an end at some point. I wasn’t happy but appreciated everything that came my way. The toiletries were okay, just that we never got stuff like body spray or shampoos, they would constantly remind me that I no longer lived with white people and that I should appreciate what I got, which I surely did.

I won’t lie and say the place was bad, it had its moments, I shared a small room with 3 girls and we had to share one wardrobe amongst ourselves. So the first thing I thought about was finding myself a weekend job. I drafted my first CV that same year and printed 10 copies. I remember using my bus tag to go to eastgate shopping mall, in my school uniform. I had a paper with a list of stores that were my main target of interest. When I got to eastgate, the first store I went to was Edgars, and it was not even on my list. I remember telling the lady at the reception that I was looking for a job, she looked at me in my uniform and told me to leave my cv on the table and take a seat as there were interviews taking place and that she would try to squeeze me in since I was there.

She asked me if I would do the interview, I told her I would. I was nervous I won’t lie, I had never been interviewed before. There was a girl already seated waiting to be interviewed in the interview area, she was a bit older than I was and was and her name was Siya. We talked about why she wanted a job, she told me her story and why she was still in matric at 19. She told me she fell pregnant at 17 and had to drop out of school, she then went back to school after giving birth. I shared a bit of my story too and why I wanted to get the job. I also told her I was so nervous and that I had never been interviewed before. She gave me some tips and told me what to do and say whilst in the interview room. I remember her telling me to ask the interviewer to kindly elaborate if I couldn’t understand what they meant. She was called first; when my turn came I did exactly what she told me to do.

After the interview, I began my job hunting journey and walked around the mall dropping off my CVs. Just when I was about to go back home, I got a call from Edgars telling me I got the job. I worked there on weekends from Friday evening until Sunday afternoon and had the best manager ever. He was like a father figure to me, I remember getting my first phone from him because he couldn’t get hold of me whenever he called to update me with my work schedules. It was great having a job because I was able to buy my own school blazer, fill my own bus tag, buy any required school books without bothering anyone, carry lunch to school and even buy my favourite toiletries. I met different people at work, young and old, I felt like an adult.

I then met a lesbian woman much older than I was, her name was Tumi. At the time I was basically out of the closet about my sexuality. I kind of liked Tumi, I remember I would sometimes work when I was not scheduled to work just so I could see her. There was a guy who liked me at work and tried his luck with me, I told him that unfortunately I didn’t play for his team and that there was someone I already liked. He wanted to know who the person was, I told him it was Tumi, he wasn’t so shocked. We became friends and he kind of hooked me up with Tumi, and as it would go we dated.

The recent portrait of Shirley’s …

Most of the women at work couldn’t understand why I was lesbian. They would always ask me if I wasn’t bothered by being beautiful with a beautiful body and emphasise on the shape and curves of my body. Remind me that I could get myself a handsome boyfriend some even suggested that I date their sons and nephews. At this stage I was almost 18 years old, I was also a bit confused as to why a normal girl such as myself could be so in love with other women. I mean I had never been hurt by a man, nor raped, and I grew up as a normal girl. Had a girly upbringing with no hint of aspirations of being a man, I loved everything about being a girl. I loved my braids, my tight jeans, short skirts, heels, mascara etc. But there was this constant fixation and attraction towards my own kind that I could not seem to shake off.

People in our society normally call (butches/studs/tomboys) names and they are considered the lesbians, so there I was not a tomboy or butch, just a normal girl. I was getting tired of the “it’s just a phase” chorus from people. I would always try to picture myself with a guy and it just didn’t feel right. So one day, I was having lunch at work with some of the older ladies, one of the ladies asked me if I was still a virgin I said yes, she said that was the reason why I was lesbian, they all agreed. I was told that I was a lesbian because I was afraid of a penis/having sex with a guy. I mean most guys would say stuff like that and I wasn’t bothered because I thought men always replaced their brains with their penises at times. But for the first time I was bothered when all those women said that. So there I was, 18 years old, proudly lesbian, confused somehow as to why I didn’t feel the same way with men as I did with women. It would always puzzle me, I was mainly bothered by the fact that I might just be lesbian because I was afraid. So when I caught Tumi cheating on me at work, about 6 months into our relationship, I ended things with her. I stayed single and my best friend convinced me that maybe it was a sign that I was somehow straight, and I fell for it.

So when my ex-boyfriend approached me, it may have been uncomfortable to say the least, yet it was enough to hold me for two months. We dated for 2 months. I went ahead and that’s how I broke my virginity, I realised at that point that my sexuality had nothing to do with me being scared of having sex with a man or what I went through in life. It was just who I was and there was no escaping it or letting other people’s opinions define who or what I am. I remember walking into a store with my best friend and seeing two cute lesbian women. I liked what I saw but I couldn’t even share that with her because I was pretending to be straight with her. I broke up with my boyfriend, I just couldn’t do it, it wasn’t me and I had to accept that.

From that day on I embraced my homosexuality, I became proud of who and what I was. The following year I left Edgars just so I could focus at school. The same year I learnt that there was an organisation that caters for lesbian women, activists and fights against hate crime, helping lesbian women embrace who they are with pride. I wanted to know more about this organisation the Forum for the Empowerment of Women (FEW). I was still in school then. I would attend events and workshops hosted by FEW, I learnt a lot at FEW, things I wasn’t even aware of, like hate crime, what caused it and how to deal with it. That’s when I also learnt that there are other homosexuals out there who died, got raped and were disowned by their families for being homosexual, there were a lot of sad stories. I even met more young lesbians.

Faces and Phases participant, Shirley Ndaba, Braamfontein, Johannesburg, 2010

At some point I didn’t feel accepted, I remember once, there was a lesbian who told me that I was lesbian because I never really got my mother’s love. When I told my story, a lot of them were convinced that I was going through a phase, bisexual or curious as I was still young. I had already established that I loved women and not men and that I could live without men but wouldn’t live without a woman. So that same year I reunited with my dad after so many years. I still continued attending workshops and events hosted by the Forum of Empowerment of Women (FEW).

The following year I was in matric and I met Zanele Muholi at an event at Constitutional Hill. She took some pictures of me with the other ladies and told me I looked good in those pictures.

We exchanged numbers and I received a call a couple of months later asking if she could feature me in her book and I was delighted.

I was also happy to stand up for those women who are still in silence and still live in fear of our society. That same year I had to come out to my dad, it wasn’t as hard as he had guessed it. It took time for him to fully accept my sexuality but he did at the end. I passed my matric and applied to study computer graphics and animation. I left the Home and went to live with my dad. Things were not so nice at my dad’s home. I lived with my stepmother and at some point she would be so insecure as though I would sleep with my own father. When she was around me, she would always compare herself to me, it was hard and my dad always took her side all the time when she would complain and made up lies. I decided to pack my stuff and leave. I went to the foster house where my younger siblings (mother’s children) lived. They welcomed me for just 3 months and then I was taught about the government’s rules. That I was old for the place and that I was no longer legible to be under the government’s care. At that stage my varsity application was declined as I did not reach the required points and had to upgrade some of my matric marks.

Everything seemed to not work right for me that year. I decided to go back MES to do some short courses. I did computer and call centre courses that lasted 4 months. They provided accommodation and food during that time. When the courses ended I was required to leave. I tried job hunting but I was unsuccessful. At the time I had a girlfriend, she told me I could live with her and her brother. I went to live with them and left most of my belongings at the foster home. The stay was not so pleasant, she lived with her brother, they were both from Zimbabwe so she was still inside the closet. I understood her situation, so we acted as though we were close friends in front of the brother. The brother would sometimes try to hit on me and I would always lie and tell him that it was inappropriate of him to be asking me out because I saw my girlfriend as a sister therefore I saw him as a brother.

Life was hard living with my girlfriend because I always had to pretend. The brother got tired of having me there then told my girlfriend that I needed to leave. I then went to live with my girlfriend’s friend for a couple of months and then later on, she paid for me to share an accommodation with someone else. Things became sour between us, so the clear choice was me going back to Edgars since things were not working well with finding a job. I was accepted to work again, then paid for my own accommodation. After a while of being single, I got a new girlfriend and we decided to live together after a couple of months into the relationship. It felt like the right thing to do, I was in love.

Things became so hectic, the temp workers at Edgars were cut off and, I was one of those. My girlfriend couldn’t take it, she would act up. She made life hard for me, I tried finding a job, it was hard as I was working under pressure, when I succeeded they wouldn’t last, I got a job as a PA but I wasn’t experienced enough so I lost the job after 2 months. I even tried being a waitress but that wasn’t for me at all, I quit after a week hoping something else would come up. I won’t get into further details but somehow things became even worse, my girlfriend told me to leave and that I was crowding her space, she knew very well that I had nowhere else to go. She started laying her hands on me. I felt hopeless, I then drank cockroach poison, which almost took my life, I spent 4 days in hospital and the doctor told me I could have died if I hadn’t come to the hospital. A lady at the hospital told me that everything that was happening in my life was because I had turned my back on God and that I needed to make things right and change my lifestyle. She said I was confused, I thought she meant to stop being homosexual. I didn’t know how to make that possible but I then started going to church hoping she was right and that things would change.

At this point I was so frustrated with my girlfriend and yet I had gone back to her. She started cheating on me, then kicked me out with no remorse, the only friend I had, who I had always been there for when things were hard for her, turned her back on me too. Right there and then I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself.

I looked for a temporary place to stay in a women’s shelter, I took a break from relationships. I got to the shelter, did some introspection and I told myself that it was enough and that I would not throw myself a pity party because if I don’t look past my situation and pick myself up, then no one else will. I decided to put all that happened behind me. I told myself that I would not let my past life experiences define the person that I am, the person I was to become, I had to do it all for myself, believing that I can and I will. I knew that it wasn’t going to be easy, but I also knew that I had to start somewhere. So whilst at the shelter, I got myself a job as a beautician/a customer service consultant in cosmetics, I left the shelter 6 months after getting the job and shared accommodation and bought most of my stuff while sharing. About a year later I got a job offer at Telkom Mobile through my stepmother as a CSR, I applied and I got the job. The pay was so much better; I managed to get my own place in Berea. I stayed with Telkom Mobile for 2 years and I have just recently got a job at MultiChoice as a CSR and currently training as a Quality Analyst. I love the atmosphere and have bigger plans ahead.

Let’s just say my goal right now is to accomplish a lot for myself in 2015. And my long term goal is to create a place for the LGBTI community, a personal space where they can express themselves knowing that they are comfortable and free at any given moment with their own kind. This will be a place where some will use to relax and unwind, a place to mingle and have fun, that will cater for both young and wise and all races specifically for the LGBTI community. It’s a goal that I am planning to reach in 5 years’ time. After all we are not limited by our abilities but by our vision. I can’t do it all in one day. I believe that big goals can only be reached through patience and persistence.

A lesson I have learnt in life is that people will always talk and will always have their opinions about you and what goes on in your life. You will be attacked by your society, your friends, colleagues, your own family and religious people will also have their say.

At the end of the day, it all comes down to you and what you want for yourself. At some point you will have to choose to either live your life for yourself and not for other people. Well do what your heart desires, allow you to be happy. Whether they call it fear, a phase that you’re going through or a sin, you know what brings you joy. People will always judge. I chose to ignore the negative side of life, I chose to accept myself as the humble and respectful person that I am. A proud homosexual young woman who is not afraid to be thyself. I chose to live for ME! Let God be the judge of your life, knowing that you did what felt right.

To be continued…

Related link

2015 May 19:  “I wasn’t comfortable with the one before”

and

2015 May 14:  “I’m happy living my life the way I am”

My life resembles the story line of the famous English book Dr Jackal and Mr Hyde. I was born Wandile Sincwala on the 17^th of July 1988. Later in my teen years I was reborn as Somizy (Somgaga) as most people around my place of birth Daveyton know me. I’m the first born to my mother, Khethiwe Sincwala and late dad Tshidiso Mashinini.

Somizy-Sincwala, Parktown, 2014 © Zanele-Muholi

I was a happy and playful child, full of life and brought joy to my family. I started school at Enkangala Primary School in 1994 and later moved to Kwa-Ntsikana Higher Primary School. I was one of the best students and participated in sports, debate and sang in the school choral choir. I was Head Boy at Ntsikana PS. As a top student, my mother supported me 100% and was proud of my achievements at that young age. Being called “isitabane” is the reason I excelled. I told myself, “I am going to be the best in whatever I do,” it gave me guts to excel. This is what Wandile was about, being an excellent student.

The birth of Somizy was in 2002 in my first year in high school Lesiba Secondary School. My friends from primary all went to different schools. I went to a new school, made new friends and faced new challenges. I continued to be the best excellent student academically, played sports (Netball) and also sang in the school choral, leading in the choir and also an opera solo tenor. Later in my high school years I lost the drive. I focused more on being “Somizy the dancer” as I was nicknamed. I danced at school concerts, during shows and started attending parties during weekends like any other teenager.
In Grade 11 I was “out” and lived my life the way I thought being gay was about, booze, boys and living carelessly. I dropped out of school, did not see the reason for education, in my mind I thought being gay was all about being rebellious.

Second from left, Somizy Sincwala wins Miss Gay Daveyton 2015. Photo by Lindeka Qampi

Dropping out of school was hard on my family, especially my sweet mom. She advised me to do something with my life before its too late but that advise fell on deaf ears. I could only think about going to groove and of course my outfit for that night. It took me six years to actually realise the need for education and qualification.

In my six years I attempted to go back to school to finish my grades 3 times, but kept on dropping out. I worked at a restaurant, started working as a hairstylist and that has been what supported me through out the years. I finally realised that I need matric than to be wasting time enjoying my youth. I went to finish my grade 11 and this time I passed and a year after I did my matric and I did well too.
Now I’m at Springs College for Further Education & Training studying towards my Diploma in Tourism. Look back; the time I wasted had an impact on the Somizy that I am today. I found myself and through the ups and downs that happened in my life. I have always been the life of partying, I enjoy dancing and through partying I have gained a lot of friends. I was at every event I could go to in and around Daveyton.

In August 2012 I had a facial incident and I was hospitalised for 7 days. That was the most difficult time in my life to go through, I lost all my confidence. I lost the love I had for myself and for things around me. My face, which was my jewel, was scared, I couldn’t handle that. Somehow that was a turning point in my life. It could have been the end of Somizy, but I told myself that I’m greater than this, the devil was not going to own my life and take away my precious life.

A few months after I was hospitalised I heard that Lesiba Mothibe is organising a pageant for the Daveyton LGBTI organisation called Uthingo. I had the urge to enter; I wanted to be on that stage. I had nearly lost my life so I needed to experience everything I took for granted. I approached Lesiba who is like a mother to us, and enquired about the pageant.
She assisted me with the application. I have watched past gay pageants like Miss Gay Ekurhuleni, Miss Gay Valentine and Miss Gay Soweto, but I never thought I would take part in the future.

Somizy at the 2015 Miss Gay Ekurhuleni

Because it was a first pageant for most of us, Lesiba insisted on rehearsals and grooming so we could be ready. The event was hosted at Chill-Out in Maxhoseni section, in Daveyton. It was on 1st of December 2012 (World Aids Day) where I was crowned as the 1st Miss Uthingo 2012. I was surprised I won but I knew I had accomplished another milestone. Through rehearsals I regained myself, I had hope in Somizy again. It only sinked in later in the week that, I actually won, with a scared face. I bless that day, as it was the reawakening of my will power and confidence to walk tall.

Since then I have been entering pageants from Miss Black Pride, Miss Daveyton, Miss Gay Jozi, Miss Gay Soweto, Miss Gay Queens of Queens. I’m currently Miss Mzansi Pride 2014 and also a finalist for Miss Gay Daveyton 2015, which I was crowned 1st princess in 2014. I enter pageants for my empowerment. In every pageant I enter, I walk away with a different experience and I gain more confidence in myself.

I don’t focus on what the prices are but I focus on who am I am inspiring while on that stage

Since day one entering pageants I now own 8 pairs of heels and 4 ball gowns which costs me so much, but I don’t see that as a loss because I love what I’m doing.

Related links

2015 Aug. 28: I have always wanted to enter a pageant

and

2014 Aug. 30 I’m a game changer, leader and activist

by Christie van Zyl

This year was my first time attending Mbokodo awards ‘Celebrating Women in the Arts’.
Ang’zange nga kuzwa ukubumbana kwabantu besifazane kanje.
(I have never experienced a solidarity of women so strongly before)
Our mission for the night was to make sure we support Lindeka Qampi as a nominee in the ‘Creative Photography award’ category. Terra, Lindeka and I looked snazzy, as we headed over to Joburg City Hall, were the event was hosted. We took over the space through the lens and trended social media as if the event was our baby.

Lindeka in a celebratory mood… Photo by Terra Dick

Mbokodo awards were hosted by female comedian Tumi Morake, who introduced speeches by honorary members from the Department of Arts and Culture. Its 21 Years of Freedom and we have finally mastered a space for the recognition of women and the positive influence and change that they contribute to our still transforming democracy.

If you are you are told the story by the hunter, you will never know the heroism of the hunted.
– Susan Shabangu

Our table was riddled with winners, nominees and highly esteemed women in the arts & media industries. We enjoyed the vibrancy shared with Mamela Nyamza – nominated for the ‘Dance’ award, Oyama Mbopa, Shado Twala – Mbokodo Awards adjudicator, Monique Pelser – nominated for ‘Creative Photography award’, Thandiwe Tshabalala – winner of the ‘Creative design award’, Brenda Sisane – winner of the ‘Promotion of Arts in the Media’ award and Goitsemang Lehobye – winner of the ‘Opera’ award.
These individuals were on fire in support and celebration of the winners that have been part of our collective spaces as artists and media frontiers in South Africa. We also celebrated the winnings of Mbali Vilakazi – winner of the ‘poetry’ award.
She said, ‘2015, year of the underdog’.  Zolani Mahola of the South African band ‘Freshlyground’, also won the ‘music’ award.

We were graced with speeches from artists such Dada Masilo – winner of the ‘Dance’ award who expressed her joy from gaining recognition in her home country.

‘I have been in this industry for 13 years and gained recognition overseas, all over Europe and the USA, but to gain recognition at home is the greatest achievement for me by far’
– Dada Masilo

As well as Lindeka Qampi who panted through her speech struggling to believe that her win was real. She gave a sentimental and light hearted speech, she left the stage bouncing from one foot to the other like the tomboy that she usually is. After having accepted her award with her shoes off as they were causing discomfort while she obviously had to take photographs as she had stated.

‘I would like to thank Mbokodo awards for this award, it is very special to me. I never fully believed that I was nominated for this award until tonight. I would like say thank you to God.
I would like to say to Zanele Muholi – you are the oxygen in my life.
To my four kids – ndiyifumene into ebendiyizela lapha (I got what I came here for).
Thank you to the LGBTI community for allowing me to document your lives. Thank you. Bye!’
– Lindeka Qampi

The best performances took place with Vicky Sampson, KB and Swazi Dlamini performing Vicky’s 1995 Rugby World Cup smash hit ‘My African Dream’.
To our surprise we were also graced by the presence of Dorothy Masuku, who at 80 years old performed as if she was still young, but definitely never dropped the fresh!
We sang a jolly happy birthday to her and were then wowed by the serendipitous opera sounds of Sibongile Mngoma a past Mbokodo award winner.
The evening ended with South African Jazz Legend Thandi Klaasen singing the heartfelt jam ‘Meadowlands’ in a frail and memory fading state, she still rocked the stage.

There I was a young poet and activist trying to penetrate the arts and media industry mingling with the cream of the crop. Women I look up to, women I have worked alongside with, women that I never thought I would meet in my lifetime; and even women that I have been downtrodden with. There is something about knowing the struggle behind someone’s success, which makes it feel as though their every single achievement is something that you are personally achieving too. I left the awards with a mission to be one of the women that receive an award in the next two years, a pot plant of orchids – which symbolized my mother’s presence in the audience, and of course Shado Twala’s contacts who personally asked me to send her my work because she believes that there is just something about me!
I am truly humbled. Mission accomplished – Lindeka took home the ‘Creative Photography’ award – the greatest accomplishment of our household in 2015.

Winners of the 2015 Mbokodo Awards

Women in Indigenous Art – Helen Sebidi
Promotion of Language and Story Telling – Nise Malange
(An honorary award was also given to Nomsa Mdlalose)
Creative Writing – Lauren Beukes
Poetry – Mbali Vilakazi
Creative Photography – Lindeka Qampi
Visual Art (sculpture, Painting and video) – Berni Searle
Architecture – Nadia Tromp
Creative Design – Thandiwe Tshabalala
Fashion design and innovation – Hangwani Nengovhela
Dance – Dada Masilo
Opera – Goitsemang Lehobye
Theatre – Maralin Vanrenen
Comedy – Irit Noble
Women in Film – Ryley Grunenwald
Women in Jazz – Thandi Ntuli
Music – Zolani Mahola
Promotion of Arts in the Media – Brenda Sisane
Women Arts Ambassador – Yvonne Chaka Chaka
Women Arts Ambassador – Marrianne Fassler
Lifetime Achievement Award – Dr. Thembeka Nkamba van Wyk
Lifetime Achievement Award – Thandi Klaasen

Thank you to Carol Bouwer and her crew for creating such a powerfully inspirational space for women, by women. You give us something to aspire for in the realization that the bigger picture is still searching for many pieces to the puzzle of our liberation.

Wathinta abafazi, wathinta imbokodo!

Previous links

2015 Sept. 10:  Lindeka Qampi nominated for 2015 Mbokodo Award

and

2014 Oct. 31:  Mbokodo awards honor the first ladies of our heritage

and

2013 Aug. 31:  Black Lesbian Visual Activist wins Mbokodo award

and

2013 Aug. 29:  2nd Mbokodo Awards photos

and

2012 Nov. 30 Mbokodo awards

Theatre performance review by Lebo Mashifane

I feel the chill of “the winter rain”…no; the chills of a great performance as I become engulfed by Sibulele Gcilitshana playing the role of Thokozile in a  A New Song play written and directed by Napo Masheane, opened on Wednesday, 28 October 2015.

Sam Mathe – live theatre (The Sunday Independent, October 25 2015, p. 2) “A New Song will make history… when it becomes the first theatre production to be staged at the Market Theatre with a woman as a producer, writer and director.” 

This beautiful busy bee butterfly – yes, I said it, bee butterfly; has been locally and internationally active as a performer, publisher, executive member and founder of several items and she still breathes and bleeds for women empowerment.

I personally remember Napo as the voice that said “Whatever you want, wants you. Whatever need, needs you. Whatever you seek, seeks you” (a poem she recited). As if she spoke directly to my soul and made me feel like I could grip a dream and have what is impossible, become tangible. She has returned to my attention, this time with A New Song depicting beauty and bravery to captivate my soul, skin and site. One woman, one face as the emphasis of their concept that every woman is different even though they have struggles and successes.

Four black women are “domestic workers” to lonely white women. Napo could have her own way of describing it perhaps. Themi Baleka who plays a role of Bantu,a helper that looks after a white-owned family house and raise a baby of the white-owned family to eventually calling the baby that she raised as “madam” as she now works for her. Bantu being the first to “comply” to the passbook system yet eventually reaches her demise. These black women carry different domestic struggles from their homes to their “madams” homes. By “their home” I also consider the home of their core, their hearts – their hearts’ desires and their hearts’ destructions.
They thirst for freedom, liberation from racism and sexism.

The portrayal of black heroines who fought to death in the 50’s in South Africa. They fight for their rights no to carry pass books/ “reference book” (a barcoded booklet from the home affairs department issued to the black citizens). The guts of a brave and bitter black woman make her the leader of the Congress movement that eventually makes her an independent free woman. ‘Sbindi uyabulala, sibindi uyaphilisa’ (a Zulu saying translated to bravery you kill, bravery you rescue).

Lebo Mashifane, featuring in Faces and Phases series.                    Photo taken at District Six, Cape Town, 2009

“Sometimes silence is the best conversation”. “Sometimes silence is the only weapon” are the words of not a black, nor a white woman, but an Indian woman who plays a discreet yet dense role in the play.

The intense feeling along with the astounding lighting and music that includes Congo drums made me quiver and chant to “Mayibuye iAfrika” (Africa must return to its rightful owners – as the character Thokozile well defines the Zulu phrase). A fusion of images displayed from an overhead projector, words, emotions, acting, dance and music that gives one the shivers.

I cried tears of joy when I read that the main theatre at The Market Theatre is changing to John Kani Theatre in honor of the great legend of South Africa. It is paramount to honor our pioneers while they are still alive; unlike nonsensical practices of honoring them when they are dead whereas opportunities availed for them to witness their commemoration.

Let Africa return to its rightful owners. Since even street names are changing in the country, perhaps in the near future even The Market Theatre could be renamed… maybeeee Gcina Mhlophe Theatre!!!

ONE WOMAN, ONE FACE!

Previous by Lebo

2015 Jan. 17:  My Durban virgin-ity breaks

Text by Lebo Mashifane
Photos by Tumi Nkopane

The practicals of our PhotoXP have been exciting, they got even more exciting when we went to Joburg CBD. On Saturday 14 May 2016, we shot a concert hosted by 1Future. It was also based on the event we had attended the previous day at Constitutional Hill, Not Yet Free. The artists that were at Con Hill had an exhibition at Bassline. The exhibition was then followed by a concert and a live interaction of visual arts by Samson Mnisi. Both exhibition and concert were a collaboration of South African and American artists, Masello Motana, Angelica Vox, Samson Mnisi, Cannon Hersey, Martin Machapa, and many more…

There were  amazing local bands such as Brothers of the Movement giving us spiritual mantras in their music. These flamboyant musicians come on stage wearing leggings. Leggings are currently worn by women in general society and here we see a band of 5 men rocking colorful leggings on stage.  Despite their vigorous appearance, their vocal and instrumental performance was great. YJOH!!!!
No words can explain the feeling I experienced at that concert. I moved until I became motionless. I watched, listened and felt my body dance with goosebumps. I realized that my body can’t move the way my heart desired.

The programme director was a strong woman, Masello Motana, who believes in rights for women and appreciates music. ”6 decades of music” she says as she introduced mam’ Masuka to the stage. Masello schooled us with History, Geography, Linguistics, etc.
She conducted lessons at a concert, how enlightened is that?!!!
She spoke about Amharic, the oldest spoken language in Africa. She engaged with the crowd, asking questions and sending the mic to the audience for responses. She even had a posing competition, bringing some attendees on stage to pose – like a beauty contest (things that are part of activities in schools).

The line up of performances was breathtaking.  Dorothy Masuka takes us to reality from Mzukwana (back in the days) when Black South Africans were faced with racial segregation. As a black woman, her music sends messages of women liberation. The crowd was young but knew mam’ Dorothy’s music and they enjoyed singing along.

 
There was another powerful sister on the line-up, Thandiswa Mazwai. She was in a collaboration with BLK JKS (how deep can she be??) this time she came with a band and bang of aero-dynamic digits distort sound. She was dressed like an extraterrestrial being only to be performing in collaboration with a band that was also part of the concert’s lineup from the beginning. It wasn’t like the band was there as backing support band for music, no. It’s not like bringing your own mic to the concert, no, it’s deeper than that. Deeper to the sense that it’s like you are wearing an outfit that changes to the same color as the lights of the concert stage management setting. It’s like you are the lecturer that gets to lecture the students and the lecturers. To the point that this lecturer is even the lecturer of lecturers when the university’s curriculum or syllabus changes as a whole. The kind of lecture that invites lecturers to learn about their work. Like being a trainer of trainers as well as trainees of the trainers.

The universal language of music was well received by all through dance – regardless of “lifetime” of being a black lesbian or a white heterosexual. There we were one through art. The sound of guitars and how they were strung was something out of this world!!! Where music was the form of a universal message… Or a calling to a meeting where the message will be delivered.

Thembi Seete and Theo Nhlengethwa of Boom Shaka. Photos by Tumi Nkopane (2016)

Boom Shaka was there as well. It was my first time to see them perform live and Lebo is not with them anymore.

My dream was to dance for Lebo Mathosa, I wanted to finish school before I could concentrate on being a dancer for her. She was that woman that completes me. Even to her passing, I was able to receive it with acceptance of nature; I knew to wait for the next lifetime to reconnect with her soul in a new form or both of us in a new lifetime of a new form. Like the love of a mother and a child… the love of a lover with a lover with mutual love for the lover, faithful and willing to let nature be the separator. Like accepting that before you raise a butterfly, you need to raise a cocoon. A cocoon that will bring a worm before it gives you the love of your LIFE-time’s eternity. Like in that sense, I accept to lose her as a lover by being in a “mother-daughter” relationship.

This concert became an embrace of good memories and eventually realising other things. Like being taught by a dead person through spiritual telepathic contact with your soul. like they said things to you when they were still alive. they told you something serious or taught you a lesson but you just laughed and missed the lesson when you thought they are missing the joke. only to find that you missed the intensity of the depth of the actual message in what they said to you. that’s how human end up with “you don’t know what you got until it’s gone” because you realise only after a person is dead that you had to pay attention. Then you start witnessing REGRET…GRUDGE.

But the experience for me didn’t get me there. Instead it got me to the realizing the actual emotion within the actual message… grasping what was above-mentioned as “intensity of the depth of the actual message”. It’s like getting the joke eventually, when it was initially intended to be a joke in that instance of the instant (moment), moment in that lifetime. and the response is laughter. with no regret held. embrace even after the loss in physical existence.

My dream to dance for Lebo was the love I had for her in this lifetime. I love her to that point that I submitted myself to embrace her with my ability. When she died my mother was the first person to inform me but I didn’t believe her.  My mother is the person that I listen to the most in my life that I never disobey or disbelieve anything she says. She is that lecturer in my life, but that instant I disbelieved what my mom told me. Like a mother when they inform her that her child had died, she gets in to a trans and starts to jump… jump to say, oh Lebo will be back soon from school, I need to prepare for my child when she gets back home from her next day that leads to the teachers at her school praising her. Certifying her as an ambassador, a black child in a white and coloured surroundings. Like saying that you organize even the most organized people.

Lebo Mathosa was my love. And her passing made me a week person that fell alone. Like cheating on your true lover. Just because I lost her in this lifetime didn’t mean that I was supposed to love another. I knew better but I failed myself. But like the prodigal son, I returned back home and find it still there, waiting for me. Like knowing what you HAVE while it’s still here. Then you appreciate more and love it unconditionally. In this lifetime I slid… I fell in love with Thandiswa. She was like the rebound that I eventually really fell in love with.

The concert gave me an opportunity to confront them both, Lebo and Thandiswa. This is where I got the “intensity of the depth of the actual message” and accepted it well as part of nature of unconditional love or agape love.

Not yet uhuru are words that still hold truth. Like that lesson that contained “intense depth of the message it conveyed.” Boom Shaka opens with the song “Be Free”, this song is more that a decade old however it stands relevant today. This song holds power and answers. I quote a lines from the song “…I’ll find a place where true love lives. I’ll be free from the pain, free from these chains that are binding me…” This song gives us a solution to FREEDOM of Not Yet Free – and the solution is TRUE LOVE.

Then things got very interesting when they sang “Bambanani”, it has a isi Zulu into followed by Lebo singing. The intro is “Ayi hlale phansi ibamb’umthetho” which means sit down and obey. This requires the performers to sit down or kneel. Boom Shaka, which now consists of 3 members – Thembi, Theo and Junior after the passing of Lebo. Theo and Junior knelt at the intro of the song, while Thembi laid down. When Lebo’s part entered, Thembi rose up to sing it. It was a reflection of her raising Lebo from the dead. Even after all these years, Thembi is still flexible, she can raise her leg up high, jump up and down and dance in hills. Did I mention that she is still as hot as ever?

I realized how Boom Shaka invented Nae Nae, twerking and can I be safe in saying Beyonce is a replica of Lebo. Lebo existed as the diva that dresses and dances the way Beyonce has been doing lately. Lebo did it from the 90’s, Beyonce appeared years later. The blond hair, revealing outfits, fit thighs, stockings and hills, etc.
The Boom Shaka song Thobela is danced similarly as ‘Nae Nae’. The Boom Shaka song It’s About Time has a part of the dance where they twerk. These are dances from the 90’s, imagine how creative these people have been.

When Boom Shaka came on stage, I stopped shooting and lived in the moment. I was having fun dancing and observing all the realisations that came to me. We were in the frontline, in da Bassline, reggaefied, jazzified, it was rocking, kuze kuse.

Previous by Lebo

2016 May 12: Free PhotoXP training for Kwa-Thema youth

Text and photos by Lebo Mashifane

I was awoken by a phone call from my grandmother asking me if I am going to cast my vote. Indifferent with the elections, I answered “yes” just to make my old Lady happy.
It’s funny how we don’t see alike when it comes to defining “freedom”.
Clearly Gogo is excited about practicing her freedom with a 13 digits barcode that seems to determine everything. I see it as a systematic incarceration. Gogo said to me this morning on the phone call that I should look my best, put on nice clothes and make my hair neat. I guess if I had some political party badge or a religious badge I would be told to wear it with pride today. All along the only thing I think of is that “I have an article to write”. Now that’s me exercising my freedom to write what I like. Well of course the other option is to go around the corner of my street where the voting station is and vote. Big deal black people vote; the youth finds it useless and the elders hold pride in voting. I am a generation caught in between with a question: what is freedom?

It’s windy and dusty and I can’t even take pictures. Service delivery from government is that we have tar roads, how ironic that the road where the voting station nearby is has no tar, just gravel and people are to stand in this dust to say they are free?
People in my hood don’t have houses and they need to cast votes?
Excuse me for not fully understanding the system that has left black people shackled in their own minds while other races and nationalities have built their heaven in our country.  A country made of boarders that make Africans turn against each other but obey non Africans.

I feel like I need to psych myself into believing in something to vote for. Well alas I joined my mother in the voting queue and asked her a lot of questions about this situation. She too strongly believes that we need to cast out votes because when she was young, they fought for this freedom even though she also admits that it has been rottenly tempered with by people who are currently in leading power.

“It is an insult to those who were part of that struggle.” She says.
I wish to vomit frustration at the voting station.
I get an angry erection from this election.
I wish to see IEC in ICU for a change of heart.
13 digits starting in 8905 is what it costs to paint my thumbnail and voice me “silently” ironically to a question,
What is freedom, but a state of mind?

Previous by Lebo Mashifane

2016 May 19:  Day 7 PhotoXP visual diaries

Text by Christie van Zyl
Photos by Lerato Dumse

 
This was our buzz on Sunday 10th December 2017. We took over social media and the newly launched Zeitz MoCAA Museum in the Scheryn Collection Arena. The Sisonke Collective founded by visual activist/photographer Professor Sir Muholi, wrapped up 16 Days of Activism with a bang. The Sisonke Collective is a radical crew of young black gender non-conforming and queer creatives who bring together music, dance, storytelling, poetry, performance arts and visual arts.

The show was simple, streamlined and intentional. The context was moulded by ‘Difficult Love’; a documentary which set the tone of the plight of life long mission that Muholi took on when realizing that there is no media that represents them. From there on Professor Sir Muholi equipped themselves with skills and resources to be able to tell their own stories. After which came the understanding that other young black queers need resource, skill and platforms for the very same reasons.
The ever stunning Odidiva, our resident drag queen, gracefully swept into the room with a very direct agenda to school the audience on a very set fabulosity which indeed followed to fill the room.

Beginning with a performance and speech from Odidiva herself highlighting how the Sisonke Collective took New York by storm at the NYC Performa Biennial of 2017. Wearing black through out the touring performances and exhibitions, we are constantly screaming that we are always in mourning. We are constantly making an awareness of and simultaneously mourning our existence.
We are constantly having to claim our space in history over and over again, to overcome the amnesia of our existence.

Thandile Mbatsha, Kyle Linde (dancers) and Thando on percussion had us breath taken with their stunning performance piece ‘Touch’. We are all very aware of the politics of touch and the constant belligerence and to some extents resistance towards consent. A concept deemed to be very small but with very large consequences. The constant need to make an awareness around these factors of relating each other can be daunting, exhausting and triggering. The work needs to be done though, otherwise we cannot complain about anything not being done about it if we do nothing in our own capacity.

What it is that we are doing (creating awareness) is what rang true through out the show with the various artists shining light on different issues surrounding 16 Days of Activism. Musician Tracey Rose graced the stage on the wave of ‘Wathinta umfazi, wathinta imbokodo’, yes the proverbial ‘You strike a woman, you strike a rock’. Yes, we have to keep on saying it for our self-affirmation, so that
we are not constantly living in fear!

Singer Yanela Ncetani Mhlawuli takes to the stage in a regal Vicky Sampson look just to do a war cry stating freedom, ‘Yamemeza intokazi yomuntu bo. Yayihleli ngasemgodini ecaleni kwamaThafa.  Thina sine lungelo lokuthanda umntu lokuthanda nabani kulelizwe esilithandayo kulelizwe lethu elihle. Freedom oh freedom rise for all’. Exclamations of a love that exist within freedom which should be celebrated. Spread more love, dissipate the hate.
A humbling, grounding and unifying ‘Nkosi Sikelela iAfrika’ was sang to wrap up the first event and artists to be hosted at the Zeitz MoCAA institution, alongside the burning of red candles in commemoration of those we have lost to hate crimes . Not the national anthem but the prayer hymn and political statement that we are praying for strength, for blessings, love and support to keep on fighting this good fight. As we work our way into making our queer existence visible in galleries, museums, media, institutions of knowledge and within society. The aim is to also influence the information that is circulating mediums and spaces of knowledge around our existence so that it is our stories told by us, for us.

I gave a final shout out at this show to the parents and family members of the crew that were present in the audience. It was important to acknowledge Odidiva’s parents who are elderly with Diva’s Father being a pastor too. To acknowledge sisters, nieces  and nephews of queer individuals because it shows support, acceptance and acknowledgment. It shows respect for our preferences and being seen as a human regardless of difference. I gave a shout out especially to our mothers that have seen so much surrounding us their children, with a poem titled ‘For the Grievance Ingrained Mothers’; because of what a friend we have in grievance. Whether our mothers are aware of it or not, we can see how much no child goes unnoticed.
So to end 16 Days of Activism, do something about the things that bother you pertaining to injustice otherwise you forfeit your right to complain. Always remember that you are not alone.

#Sisonke
#OnsIsSaam
#WeAreTogether
#ZeitsMOCAALGBTI
#ZeitsMOCAASisonke
#CocreateSA
#ZMSisonke
#SisonkeCollective
#VisualArtsActivism
#LGBTIQA Visibility

Previous by Christie

2015 June 25: Christie shines @ Cafe Sor in Oslo